Milestones celebrated in my heart

February 22 would have been Michaels 40 th birthday. Emma and I went to the cemetery to visit. Emma sang Happy Birthday to her daddy. This will never get easy. It's the hardest thing to not be able to see your loved ones. I do have faith and know that we will be together someday but Somedays that doesn't Make the pain go away Peshkur lessen. I do wonder sometimes why thing happen. Your told God only gives you what you can handle. I will never agree with that. I do not believe it was God who took my husband and daughter away. I do believe things just happen. March begins as a rough time. I should be sending out invitations to Graces 10th birthday party. Instead I am wondering what she would want for her birthday. What kind of party she would want and who would her friends be. It gets harder as the years go by and you feel like you don't know your child. Grace loved All things Disney. Loved the color pink. Loved pizza and loved clothes. This was almost 3 years ago. How would she look now? Grace's birthday was always a big celebration in our house. Each year the parties got bigger and bigger. Whatever she wanted she had. We always knew someday they would end. I would decorate every room of the house. Grace celebrated for days and knew how much she was loved. To just stop is not something I can do. Grace will always be my daughter and Emma's sister. But it also reminds me of all her struggles her on earth. Recessive Dystrophic Epidermolysis Bullosa is the worst words I can hear. It brings back images of my sweet innocent angel shaking in pain during brutal dressing changes. Images of Grace lying on a table waiting for her endless surgeries. Images of me feeling helpless that I could not take away the awful pain and itch. I am faced with too much sadness. Somehow I am expected to rise up and put a smile on my face. Well to be honest Somedays and nights I can't. Somedays my precious Emma Gets me through but showing me her beautiful smile. Emma Gray was born 2 days after Grace passed away. Yes you read right! My luck just keeps on giving. Emma is a miracle that I will cherish forever. Somedays she asks me why are you crying mommy? I tell her I miss sissy and daddy and she gives me the biggest kiss and hug. She has her daddy's personality. Emma has to be the center of attention and loves to make you laugh. Keeping my angels in my heart and still apart of our family has empowered me to make the best of my life her on earth. I know life is bigger than our human life. So instead on dwelling on why did this all have to happen to me. I draw strength from them. I think of all Grace went through and know I can handle whatever comes my way. I was blessed, I was loved so much by them. My job is to keep their memory alive and share with Emma the remarkable blessing Grace was and is. Tell her stories how her Daddy loves her. Some people may think I am crazy for celebrating their birthdays but I need to do this for us. My advice to others is to always follow your heart. Until you are faced with holding your child's lifeless body for the last time knowing you will never hear her sweet voice, stroke her hair, sing to her. Until you hear the words that your husband passed away. You can't judge. I had to bury 2 people I thought I would be with forever. Cherish your loved ones! don't wait until tomorrow.